| ok fine then |
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| 11:32pm 22/03/2004 |
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mood:  giddy
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so i have been thuroghly bitched out....both by my concience and by friends....DAWN NEED UPDATE....
k....fine then
so...wedding....July 17th-ish
baby....
sure
December sometime
*ducks* dont kill me.....I AM HAPPY! |
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Read 4 - Post |
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| the loss of |
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| 03:09pm 05/02/2004 |
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mood:  blah
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I have finally gone through...and deleted to the best of my ability...my entire Neopets account. Thank you Mitch for taking all my "stuff" for me....if you wanted it or not *eg*
HOPEFULLY Traivs will be moving up this weekend. It all is hanging up on the time a certain Jeep will be fixed. *dramatic sigh*
fortunaly...and yet unfortunatly...I seem to only be working 3 days a week right now. this is the LOWEST I have EVER seen hours at our store....and in August I will have been there 4 years.
gods I wish I was graduating this quarter instead of many quarters from now....I was promised a job as soon as my degree is finished and I move to PA....even in my field....YAY!
time to go get Diane.... |
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| Gods has it been a long year already.... |
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| 10:24am 02/02/2004 |
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mood:  numb
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I know....my current "favorites" in music change like the weather. But upon reading the lyrics of this song as it played in the background....*SMACK*...this is "current flavor number one"
Shinedown
45
Send away for a priceless gift
One not subtle, one not on the list
Send away for a perfect world
One not simply, so absurd
In these times of doing what you're told
You keep these feelings, no one knows
What ever happened to the young man's heart
Swallowed by pain, as he slowly fell apart
And I'm staring down the barrel of a 45,
Swimming through the ashes of another life
No real reason to accept the way things have changed
Staring down the barrel of a 45
Send a message to the unborn child
Keep your eyes open for a while
In a box high up on the shelf, left for you, no one else
There's a piece of a puzzle known as life
Wrapped in guilt, sealed up tight
What ever happened to the young man's heart
Swallowed by pain, as he slowly fell apart
And I'm staring down the barrel of a 45,
Swimming through the ashes of another life
No real reason to accept the way things have changed
Staring down the barrel of a 45
Everyone's pointing their fingers
Always condemning me
And nobody knows what I believe
I believe
And I'm staring down the barrel of a 45,
Swimming through the ashes of another life
No real reason to accept the way things have changed
Staring down the barrel of a 45 |
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| whoa |
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| 02:52pm 27/01/2004 |
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mood:  amused
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10 more days until Travis moves to Michigan....until we can move home again....together....to Pennsylvania. I am so excited. He even has me wanting to cellebrate Valentines Day. And to this point...that was just another day where Dawn says....yeah...your point? I have even already gotten him something. got it today. Definatly a "Dawn gift". A stuffed Red Dragon...holding the typical V-day red heart....that says "light my fire". lol...ok....i am a mushy dork. sue me....i aint worf nuffin. |
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| improvement? |
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| 03:21pm 21/01/2004 |
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mood:  bouncy
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things seem to be on an upswing. though it is about as cold as antartica right now (not really...but damn near close)...and normally at this time...I am VERY depressed. Not to say that I wasnt a few days ago...because I was. But some good things are happening right now.
i THINK i am finally starting to understand algebra. be it the excellently funny proffessor....or perhaps i have just taken it repeatedly enough...
i purchased a car kit for my cell phone...charger and ear piece...now a certain someone can quit worrying when i talk and drive....
And TRAVIS IS MOVING UP IN FEB INSTEAD OF MARCH!!!!!! YAY!
lol...cant tell I am excited about that last one can you? hehe...well...time to pick up Diane from school...so I can come home....shower....and get ready to go again....*sigh* |
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| Darkness Tonight |
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| 09:57pm 18/01/2004 |
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mood: gloomy
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The Cry
Trying to cling
Desperately to sanity
When I feel nothing
But the rage
And the futility
Of everything
Consisting of life
Why bother breathing
When you cannot breathe
Why bother feeling
When all you feel is pain
Why bother living
When you just cannot live
Needing to be alone
But needing you near
To tether me here
Keep me from wandering
Down those dark paths
Of past times
And self destruction
Keeping me from doing
Those things I will regret
Very bad thoughts
Roaming through my head
About taking a drive
And finding a tree
Trying to find my center
To calm down
Cool off
But I cannot focus
Feeling frazzled
Out of control
Like someone is trying
To take me over
And force me to do something
Against my will
The anger
The depression
The total and utter longing
For the darkness
Is just too much
It calls me to it
A deadly love
With sweet baited breath
Just come
It calls
One kiss
Make it eternal
And into myself made hell
Once again slip
Then I think about you
And what I would
Be leaving behind
And I redouble my efforts
To fight for the surface
Strive to breathe
To see your shining light
It is so hard
I don't think it is enough
I am on the precipice
I fear falling
I long to jump screaming
Please dear gods
Help me
Pleading now
Don't let me fall
Into despair
I can barely hold on
My grasp on sanity
My hold on life
Slipping
Please...
Written By:
Dawn Herrmann
2004 |
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| Return of The Dawn.... |
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| 07:43pm 06/01/2004 |
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mood:  apathetic
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so I came back...I didnt want to...and loathe that I did...But I Came Back To MI From PA. I wanna go HOME!!!!!
*sobs* |
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| Merry Bloody Christmas |
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| 01:59pm 24/12/2003 |
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mood: peaceful
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sorry...I dont like Chritsmas...
Ken has been in contact with me. He sent me a Christmas card and a letter. Telling me that he still loves me and he still thinks of me each day.
I emailed him back. Told him that I moved on. I am happy and going to marry Travis.
He emailed me back saying he was happy for me. And wished me the best for the future. Told me that he will no longer contact me in anyway...unless I contact him first. Then told me that I am a very special unique person.
*sigh*
I made the right decision...I love Travis. |
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Read 7 - Post |
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| you will not use my sister as a hood ornament!! |
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| 09:55pm 18/12/2003 |
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mood: rejuvenated
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just a quick note to say....I have been watching too much of Dexter's Laboratory. hehe. or then again....maybe not!
*LOOFA!*
lmao
actually...that isnt why I decided to post tonight. Today I feel as if 1000lbs of pressure have been lifted off my shoulders. For the first time in almost 3 weeks...I slept. Dreamlessly (thank the gods), and deeply. then today at work...I thought...and thought hard...and came to some conclusions. then shared them with Travis when I called him on my lunch break. the out come?
Wedding post poned to Sept 24, 2005.....place....PA.
Why you ask? So we have time to plan, time to save, time to decided.....TIME. By that time in 2005 I hope to have completed college, and we will be living in PA. It will make a lot of things easier that way.
and you know what...even though I wont be marrying him as soon as was orriginally planned....I am happy...because I know he loves me...for me....just as I love him....for him.
and that...is worth more than anything else in the world. |
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| PA and Back Again....a Dawn's Tale |
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| 07:52am 18/12/2003 |
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mood:  sleepy
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9 more days....thank the gods....i dont think i can handle it much longer....how the hell will i handle the 2 months before he moves up after that..........
LOTR....*sigh*....I am afraid I am going to have to miss out on you this time around....waaaaaaaaaaaa |
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| no.... |
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| 11:02pm 12/12/2003 |
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found out today....what i already knew was going to happen....Travis will not be comming home with me in Jan when I come home to MI. I am contemplating not even going to PA now. I cannot tear myself from him like I have been doing. It is eating too much of me....and eating me alive. |
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| sooo true |
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| 10:50pm 12/12/2003 |
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mood:  lonely
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You are... What Dreams May Come - "I would go
to hell to find you."
Love, above all else, is important to you. When you
love someone, you really love them, and you'd
do anything for them. Sometimes that an get you
into trouble, but to you that isn't important;
what is important is is maintaining the levels
of caring and trust in a healthy relationship.
You little romantic, you.
What movie quote are YOU?
brought to you by Quizilla |
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| hellloooooo |
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| 11:28pm 09/12/2003 |
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mood: cold
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and once again....everything is well.
Travis and I worked through our problem, and are back where we need to be.....ummm except for that whole Ohio is in the way thing. I may have convinced him to come home with me (move to Michigan) when I come back from PA in Jan. That...would seriously fucking rock.
I dont have to take my Intro To Health Care final. I already passed the class *eg*
Work sucks...but that is christmas in retail.
Got the Yule tree up today....have the hives to prove it. Damn pine allergy.
Got all the gifts wrapped.
Travis had his knee surgery...and has come out wonderfully. He is currently sleeping off the remaining pain/anestesia/shock.
Dawn will be getting a ring "jaw drops"
And guess what guess what! my muse is back.....hehehehehe....I almost thought she left me. I couldnt finish a damn thing I started to write for near a month. I have finished 2 poems since Sunday night.
Ok...ok...ok....Dawn....is babbling....Dawn....is going to bed. |
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| cleaning |
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| 05:13pm 03/12/2003 |
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mood:  contemplative
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why is it...every time I clean...I end up on my computer. Is it because it is in my bedroom which I almost obsessively clean? Perhaps. I know not. Maybe I just like the droaning noise of its running. Perhaps I am reaching out for humanity. That, more than likely, is it.
This weekend I get to face what I have learned through metaphysical class on sundays...is my inner lie. What I lie to myself to keep me going...or at least keep me on my self destructive path. I am unworthy of love. No matter what I do, what I say, what I think, can ever be enough. I dont know how I lied this to myself, and I know now that it is a lie. None the less, it is my lie, and a way of life I have to learn to deal with. I dont know how well I will handle this struggle, or what the turn out will be...all I know is this...I am fighting like hell...and I am fighting for my life.
Travis will be arriving here...hopefully about 9 a.m tomorrow. It was decision made only days ago. We have missed each other so badly for the last month, or since our engagement. That we really couldnt wait until the 27th when I go down there again. Besides the fact we have some things we need to work through, and it is much easier to do so face to face.
On a lighter note...Coldplay has a new CD out...just found out today. It is a live CD. So Dawn is having a reminiscent night of her earlier Coldplay days. *sigh* Listening to it brings back bittersweet memories.
I am hungry and I am tired....must rectify these... |
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| Enya-fest |
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| 03:20pm 27/11/2003 |
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mood:  thankful
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things are going a little bit harder for me as of late. I dont really want to get into specifics....but life currently seems rocky at best. at one point we are level in the sea of life, and at the other....about to sink. *sigh*....but I am thankful...yes...thankful. Because I am alive. Because I am in love. Because I have each and every one of you to listen to me bitch....hehe. thanks guys :) |
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| *sighs yet again* |
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| 01:38pm 26/11/2003 |
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time wears...for those in pain...i am tired...of a lot of things...but one thing is keeping me here....hope |
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| mood swing |
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| 12:42am 20/11/2003 |
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mood:  moody
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damnit. had a pretty decent day. hung out with my friend Kim and my daughter for most of the day. did a lot of holiday shopping. was in very high spirits most of the day. got home...talked to Travis for maybe 1/2 an hour....and then he had to leave to help a friend. and now.... I am fucking depressed. *sigh* I am going to bed. Maybe sleep will help. I hope that I didnt empath his depression like I did Kim's high energy levels. I need to learn how to Fucking Shut That Part Off! |
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ladyjadestone's journal
